Here are some common scenarios you might face and some ideas for how you could respond.
Do take your time to be empathetic and supportive when responding to the person.
Do advise them 'Sometimes when someone has bruises like yours, they are being hurt by someone. I need to ask you questions so that if this is happening, we can find the right person to help you (and the children) be safe. We may need to involve another agency, but I will walk through that with you.'
Don't ask any more questions in a room with limited privacy if someone presents with indicators or has told you they're experiencing family violence. Find a private room and continue the conversation.
Don't ignore the signs of family violence.
Do consult a colleague or specialist agency if you're unsure what to do.
Do ask more questions. Think about getting advice from a colleague or specialist agency.
Do let them know there are many places that people can get help and support, and that you are happy to help them get in touch with that support.
Do ask them what might be helpful for them at this time.
Don't criticise or berate the person if you can't get an answer that resolves your concerns.
Don't assume that additional people attending appointments are supportive. If the person is elderly and there are signs of family violence, don't ask them questions in front of their partner, family member, or whānau. Try to create a situation in which you can talk to the person on their own.
Do ask questions to find out if they are the victim of family violence. It's essential to understand the gendered nature of family violence. Women are statistically more likely to experience severe physical and psychological harm, and young women with children, and pregnant women, are particularly vulnerable.
Don't ask further questions in front of children older than 2 years, if someone discloses they're experiencing family violence. Ask someone in your agency to care for the children while you ask more questions. Involve a specialist agency as soon as possible, on the phone or in person.
Do thank the person for answering your questions and let them know that if their circumstances change, support is available. Let them know about available resources such as leaflets or the website www.areyouok.org.nz(external link) and the domestic violence pages on the Ministry of Justice web site. Explain that these sites have instructions for deleting the record of your visit from your computer, so noone can see what you were looking at.
Don't assume it's safe for the person to take away any printed information with them. You could offer a quiet place to read the material on your premises.