Person currently experiencing

When someone says they're experiencing family violence, you should take steps to promote their safety and recovery. The intensity and urgency of your response will vary depending on the likelihood and level of the harm.

Things to say

You could start with 'I am sorry that this is happening to you. Is it OK if I ask some more questions so I can see how best to help you?'
'Are you worried about the children, your family or whānau? Has the person harmed your children in any way?'
Ask the person to confirm their correct contact details. Record what is said during the discussion.
'Is there anyone else who knows or who you are able to tell about what is happening? How long has this been happening? Is the violence getting worse or more frequent? What are the risks of the abusive person harming you or anyone else currently?'
Ask what has worked for them in the past and if they believe that might help them now. Check whether there is anything preventing the person from getting help, such as transport, finances, fear of the perpetrator.
Be aware that people experiencing violence are often the best judge of their own safety, however, there are certain situations where risk is increased, such as separation from an abusive person. Ask questions to help you to determine risk, such as 'How safe do you currently feel if 1 is safe and 10 is unsafe. How quickly can this change? Have you recently separated from your partner? Are you involved in any court action relating to child custody? Have you applied for a protection order to protect your safety or the safety of children?'

Do

be aware that what may seem to you to be relatively insignificant incidences of harm, can have a considerable impact on victims’ physical and psychological wellbeing. Repetitive abuse has a cumulative effect. Victims might see the abuser’s behaviour towards them as normal or as something they deserve.
discuss confidentiality and what might happen next. Under section 15 of the Children, Young Persons and their Families Act 1989, any person who believes that any child or young person has been, or is likely to be, harmed (whether physically, emotionally, or sexually), ill-treated, abused, neglected or deprived, may report the matter to Oranga Tamariki (external link)or the Police(external link).
consider whether the person has any physical or mental symptoms that should be treated by a doctor. A General Practitioner will formally document these findings, which can be used in evidence. Offer help, such as making the appointment for the person.
ask 'Can I support you to call a specialist family violence agency or the Police? I can make a phone call from here.' Offer to take them to the specialist agency or make alternative arrangements, such as helping with transport or providing a safe space in your office until the specialist is available to visit them there.
treat the person's disclosure as significant, especially where there is a high risk of being killed. Such factors include worsening violence, intense jealously or possessiveness, stalking, strangulation or choking, controlling behaviour and intimidation.
ask whether the abusive person is nearby or monitoring the client’s visit. If the person experiencing violence is concerned for their safety, keep them in your office and work with them to determine the safest option at that moment. This may involve contacting Police or a specialist family violence agency.

Don't

blame the victim, try to solve the problem, or try to set the pace for change.
assume the person agrees with your concerns, but don’t ignore your concerns and check in with colleagues or a specialist agency if you need to corroborate your thinking.
forget to provide support after the referral, such as 'When is a safe time and way for me to follow up with you within the next few days?'
forget to follow-up with the specialist agency you refer the person to.
ignore risk factors. If you are not confident about how you should respond, consult a colleague or specialist family violence agency.
expect someone experiencing family violence to be empowered to take steps to improve their safety simply because they have disclosed the violence.

Next steps

Find a specialist family violence service provider who matches the needs of the person you are helping.

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